


Upstream Before It Joins The Ocean

by helens78



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Breathplay, Choking, Community: kink_bingo, Dark, Deepthroating, Dubious Consent, M/M, Minor Violence, Sexual Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-01
Updated: 2010-07-01
Packaged: 2017-10-10 08:24:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/97653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helens78/pseuds/helens78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders wants to know how long the Cylons can last without air, and Leoben loves him enough to let him practice on him.  Anders isn't in it for love, but then Leoben isn't in it to help the resistance, either.  Dark themes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Upstream Before It Joins The Ocean

**Author's Note:**

> For my kink bingo card, the "breathplay" square. Please note: The violence and lines of consent in this story are blurred to the point where, although they don't qualify as non-consent or graphic violence, they should be approached with caution. Check those tags, please; this story is dark.

It isn't what Leoben thinks. It isn't love. Isn't even sex as far as Anders is concerned. It's all a test--how long can a Cylon go without air? How far will he let Anders push him in the name of whatever-the-frak it is the Cylons call love?

He gets his hand on the back of Leoben's neck, and Leoben's eyes go all wide and shiny. "Yeah," Leoben murmurs. "Yeah, gimme--"

Anders tilts his head, looks down at Leoben. "You really want it, don't you?"

"Of course I do. I'm not ashamed of that." Leoben settles back on his heels, slips his hands behind his back. "Love is never shameful."

Anders looks away. "Crazy frakking toaster," he mutters, but Leoben doesn't even move; Anders can feel Leoben watching him, waiting for Anders to make the next move.

It always has to be Anders taking it to the next level; he's guessing it's just another Cylon trick, another way Leoben's trying to prove his "love". Everything is proof of love to this frakked-up excuse for a machine that wants to be a man; Anders wonders, sometimes, if killing Leoben over and over would prove "love", too.

_Hate is the other half of love,_ Leoben said once, _just a part of the river where the current goes upstream against itself instead of rushing down to meet the ocean._ Anders thinks it's bullshit, but he slept through his geology courses; Pyramid was more important back in school.

And game and strategy are more important now. He looks back down at Leoben and nods at his fly. At least this works. At least his body can actually do this. He knows if it'd been a Doral that took an interest, a Six or a Cavil, this would all be for nothing. But with Leoben...

Frak it. Not worth thinking about, and now Leoben's taken the initiative and worked Anders's pants and briefs down his legs.

"You always want it," Leoben murmurs. "You can lie with your teeth, Samuel, but not with your heart."

"You're not looking at my heart."

Leoben smiles. "You don't think so?"

Anders can't spare the energy for another comeback. He closes his eyes when Leoben leans forward, stutters through the first few breaths as Leoben's mouth moves hot and wet over his cock. Leoben gives it his all every single time, and Anders doesn't want to think about why.

_We have a destiny with her, and so did you. It wasn't hard to fall in love with you the way she did._

He gets his hand right back on Leoben's neck and drags him forward, and if it feels good, then frak it; it has to feel good for him to do this.

They get a rhythm going, and it's all aces--Leoben makes those happy little sounds of his, the ones that freak Anders right the hell out, and Anders starts pushing in hard. And then Anders tightens his grip, and Leoben goes all loose and easy between Anders's hand and his cock, and Anders can let go.

He gets himself deep into Leoben's throat with the first thrust, and Leoben doesn't even fight it this time. The bodies, Anders wonders--do the bodies get their muscle memory downloaded, too? If Leoben choked and died right here, like this, would the next copy come back with a better handle on how to deepthroat?

A breath, and then a thrust, and Leoben's body fights this time. Anders times it. One thousand five. One thousand six. One thousand seven, and now Leoben's got both hands on Anders's thighs, just squeezing, not pushing.

One thousand ten, one thousand eleven, one thousand twelve...

It's not the lack of air; it's the jerk and spasm of Leoben's throat that has Leoben fighting. Anders eases off and lets Leoben gag, lets him rub at his throat and gasp.

"You okay?"

Leoben looks up at him, eyes wet, saliva coating his lips. He coughs a few times. "You... care?"

"I'm not done yet."

"I know." Leoben rubs his face and runs his hands through his hair, and then he's back, ready, licking his lips for more.

"You're not done yet, either, are you?" Anders doesn't bother with the grip on the back of Leoben's neck this time; he puts his hand in Leoben's hair and just jerks him forward. "You sick frak--you just want it any way you can get it."

Leoben doesn't answer in words, not that he can; he puts his hands on Anders's hips and drags Anders forward. Anders closes his eyes and pushes in _hard_ and stops there, counting, waiting. One thousand ten--easy, easy, keep counting, he's gotten Leoben to thirty-three before, thirty-three before the toaster's survival instincts beat out his need to show love.

One thousand twenty, and Leoben's hands start digging in. Anders can hold his breath for a minute and a half, but there's a difference between holding your breath and being choked, and there's a big gods-damned difference between holding your breath and being choked by someone who's refusing to let you go.

One thousand thirty. One thousand thirty-one. One thousand thirty-two...

Leoben shoves Anders back, and Anders stumbles, trips over his tangle of clothing and falls right on his ass. He hits hard--the floors in here are bare concrete covered with rugs that are a lot more pretty than soft--but Leoben's on him anyway, crawling up Anders's body and setting his mouth on Anders's skin, on the spot just above Anders's left hipbone.

Thirty-three seconds, Anders thinks, it's the magic number, it has to be, it has to mean something--

"I still love--" Leoben's hoarse, but Anders has heard him that way so many times he can understand every word. He doesn't want to hear, but he doesn't have a choice. Leoben's tongue slides forward, Leoben's frakking _licking_ him, and Anders gasps out loud as Leoben trails a long, sloppy, wet lick all the way up his cock, from his balls to the tip. "Love you," Leoben whispers, and then he's got Anders's cock in his mouth again, and this time it's Leoben's show; he sucks Anders so hard Anders can't do anything but pant and sweat and get his hands into fists, praying to the Gods that Leoben won't make him come this way, that he can keep himself from coming like this--on his back and helpless, with nothing but Leoben's mouth and all that Gods-damned pleasure streaking through his whole frakking body.

But no--no, Gods damn it, he's only human, and his body surges up, cock thrusting deep into Leoben's mouth, and he grits his teeth as though staying silent means he can keep his orgasm to himself.

Keep it to himself while his come goes down Leoben's throat. No, he can't keep any of this to himself, not the pleasure or the release or the way his whole body sags, sated and humming, when Leoben draws his mouth back up and off his cock.

Leoben crawls all the way up, spreading himself over Anders's body. Anders opens his eyes--he's not gonna let Leoben do this to him with his eyes closed--and Leoben braces himself on one hand, suspending himself far enough above Anders that Anders can actually look down between them and see Leoben unzipping his pants.

Leoben's hard, and Anders watches him give his cock a stroke, another, watches as the wetness beads up at the head and Leoben passes his thumb over it in a circle, spreading it.

"Samuel," Leoben whispers. He lets his cock go and reaches for Anders's hand. "Samuel. Please. _Please._"

Anders doesn't struggle when Leoben lifts his hand, when he wraps both their hands around his cock. He squeezes, already knowing it's going to make Leoben throw his head back and groan--the first touch always does.

"Please," Leoben pants. "God. Yes. Samuel, please--"

Anders focuses on what he's doing, not what he's hearing; he jerks Leoben off strong and steady, ignoring the muffled syllables coming out above his head. He can handle _God_ and _yes_ and _Samuel_ and _please_, but the litany of _love me, love me, love me_ is too much, hurts too frakking much to stand.

He tries not to hear it.

Leoben thrusts forward in a fast, desperate rush, his come spilling all over Anders's hand and his stomach, and Anders turns his head away as Leoben collapses on him.

"I love you," Leoben murmurs, nuzzling against the side of Anders's neck. Anders shudders and gets his hand out from between them, wiping it on the rug. "Do you believe me yet?"

"Frak off," Anders whispers; even to him it sounds pathetic now.

"How much do I need to sacrifice before you'll believe me? Samuel..." Leoben lifts his hands and sets them on either side of Anders's face; when he turns Anders's head so they can look at each other, Anders can feel a smear of come on his cheek. He can smell it. It doesn't smell any different from his own.

"God forgives you," he murmurs. "I'll always forgive you."

Anders closes his eyes, and he doesn't fight when Leoben kisses him.

_-end-_


End file.
